Luca’s POV...
A month later....
Each day I read every word in her letter, I started my day with it and I would end my day with it, she is gone, I can’t find her.
"You don’t look good Luca." My therapist spoke. "Do you still blame yourself for your mate leaving?" She asked.
I hate this, I hate having to talk about my feelings, but I have to, I promised myself I would be better for her, that’s what she wanted, she wants me to be good, to be honest with myself.
"If I have told her the truth, she would have been mad at me but at least it could be come from me not from him, if I had told her a long time ago, she would have been okay with it, she would not have hated me and she would not have left, I did this, I always make people leave."
"What did I say in my last session Luca?" She asked.
"What the fuck did you say?" I breathed out.
I hate that she thinks she can speak to me like a kid, I hate that I even let her think that she can speak to me at all, but it’s for good cause I reminded myself, I always had to when I am here because I can’t kill her.
"When I find her, I want her to see that I tried for her, I worked to better better for her, I want her to see that this time I would be honest, I would share every single demon of mine with her, yes she would be terrified but at least no one would tell her anything I didn’t." I chuckled bitterly.
I stared at the letter again.
"I think she loves you." She spoke and my eyes met hers, for the first time in this meeting, I was looking into her eyes, the older woman that has been forcing me to talk about my feelings. "I think she is only trying to figure out things, I left everything behind too because of my family, they wanted me to mate with someone that I didn’t, I am not saying our situation is similar what I am saying is that i understand why she did what she did, she needs to know who she wants to be, I needed to know who I wanted to be to that’s why I left." She spoke.
"You are a smart woman." I smiled again, I had drank a generous amount of alcohol before coming here, I always did and she hated it, she would talk to me like I am her kid; one that she is tired of for not listening, and she would always want to yell at me but she can’t, I would kill her if she does and it’s not her place.
"Each night I think about how our lives would have been, how she would have been happy, I was going to make her the happiest woman."
"What if that’s not what she wants?"
"Everyone wants to he happy."
"I don’t mean that Luca, you choose a life for her, you didn’t ask her what she wanted, can you understand that, you hate your parents for choosing a life for you, one that you don’t want." She spoke and my eyes flickered with shame
I hate that she is right about this, each time I spoke to her, she only made me feel like I am a bigger jerk for not being there for Olivia, for not asking her what she wanted.
"And with the attack and the killing, she was bound to leave eventually, she may say she is comfortable with it but we both know that she is not, she was never born into the life of violence and you forced her into it, then the betrayal that came from you and from her ex husband and maybe she will say she knew Ares would support you but I have a feeling she thought he would stand by her when it happened."
"You should be dead for knowing all of this."
"I would not have known if you didn’t tell me anything." She said and I smirked. "All these I am telling you what I think she feels; I have not met her but based on all our sessions and all that you said to me about her, she seems to fit perfectly with what I have in mind."
"I think someone helped her leave, she would not have known how to make her wolf hidden like that, she stayed with her husband all of her life and she cared for him, she was connected to him as she is to me, maybe even more. She is not even in pain, so why can’t my wolf find her?"
"Do you know what I think I think you know where she is, I think your wolf is aware of what she is doing but you are projecting your fears, you are not ready to meet her because you are worried she would have moved on, you are worried she would not still want to be with you, you are worried you will make another mistake." She said and I felt a wave of anger wash over me.
"You don’t know me." I breathed out, I wanted to yell but I didn’t. "You are only alive because of me."
"I know you would not kill me because of her, what will she say if she ever finds out.
"Fuck." I breathed out. "Someone helped her leave:" I said again.
"Maybe they did, but it’s not a bad thing, she wanted to and she had to leave." She spoke and I stood up, I was about to leave when she called my name.
"When you find her, don’t force her to come with you, don’t take her away from the life she built, if you love her and want to understand her, you will be there for her in ways she wants." She spoke For more chapters visit novel⟡fire.net
"I have not found her," I whispered and she glared at me.
"You don’t lie to me Luca, these are the rules, that’s the only reason I agreed to do this, you created this fake narrative in your head just like you did when your parents died, just like you did when your brother died and I am not going to let you do that, you love her, more than you could love anyone and there is no one that will care for you like she does, and if you go to her and you live the way she wants to live, maybe you will be happier." She said. "Deep down you can feel her, you know what she does, but you are worried you are not fixed yet, you will never think you are fixed Luca but I know you are better. When we started you didn’t want to tell me anything and now you tell me everything even if I have to force it, don’t wait to be perfect, go find her." Anna spoke.
Anna has a way of getting into my mind and I hated it, I respected her so much because she is my mother’s friend, probably the one person I have known to care for my mother, probably the only person that still checks up on me, and the only person that is allowed to know all of this.
I pushed her away too like l did to everyone, maybe she is right, maybe all I need to do is be with Olivia, the worst has already happened, she left me and she moved on a long time ago, what could she do more, all of the narratives were in my mind and I had thought about it, yes it scared me, every part of me.
"I will." I finally said before heading out of the room.
—-
"We have news". Ares spoke the moment he headed into the room, he had been better since she left, I suspected he was the one who let her leave but he won’t, he would never do that to hurt me.
"What?" I breathed out.
"We found the rest of the people Victor was working with, just names, it’s hard to find their identity especially when they have erased everything, he never told us what he was working with or what he had in mind and I have a feeling these people will." Ares spoke and I nodded.
"I am leaving for some time." I finally spoke, "Don’t ask, I will be gone you can send me over whatever you need me to read on or advice on."
"You found her."
"No, I need some time off to think, it was suggested by the therapist." I lied, maybe I didn’t trust him, maybe I think he could be having a secret conversation with her, maybe it’s me being paranoid.
Maybe it’s what she talked about, the alternative reality I have been creating in my head. Olivia is right, I did need help but now I am done with that, I know what I have to do, I have to face what I am worried about.
I am the Alpha, I pretend not to be scared, I pretend to be the greatest, but deep down, I have my own demons, one that I never want to encounter again.
But I need to see her this time, I can’t let her go.